I’m trying to figure out how best to approach this news. Should I wait a while before blogging? I mean, maybe this is not the emotionally best time to try to figure out what I feel. Should I give myself time to letting the emotions come into focus? Or is getting the emotions down while they’re unsettled more true to them?
Oh, the news. Today I found out the lump (that turned out to be two) in my right breast is cancer, the most common kind of cancer in women in my age group. It’s called Invasive Ductal Carcinoma. So far it appears to be localized, that is, hasn’t involved the lymph nodes, even though it’s termed “invasive.” As near as I can tell, that simply means it began in the duct tissue and then moved out or “invaded” other breast tissue.
So I have further testing to be done and surgery, too. Maybe chemotherapy but I’ll find out more at my next appointment on Friday.
What I find interesting is that I’ve had thoughts of cancer flitting through my mind for several months, long before I discovered the lump that led to discovery of the other lump. So we obviously know more than we know we know.
But what good does that do if we can’t get more than a “flit?” Is it preparation of some sort? Or is it meant to be a warning? If a warning, what can we do with only a “flit?” Beats me.
If that’s the case, what about my “flits” of my funeral or demise or whatever? Is that just a case of my age? Or does it mean something, too? This sense of intuition would be a lot handier if it came with more and definite information.
Not that I mind being dead. I’ve been dead (I think) and it was the happiest I’ve ever been. I’m not too keen on dying, though, although it was pretty easy the first time. But getting to “dead” can be less than satisfying. Besides, while life isn’t perfect at the moment, I’m not ready to leave it just yet. There’s too many things I want to see how they turn out.
So, here’s what I’ll do. Take it day by day, don’t worry, and see what happens. Worry hasn’t ever cured anything or even changed anything, in my experience. And nobody is guaranteed tomorrow no matter how well today seems to be going. Now is all we have and I feel pretty good just now. Can’t beat that.
Oh, Sam, I’m so sorry you are going through this. You are right about not worrying. Keeping positive thoughts can actually help your body more than being negative. My sister went through this 2 1/2 years ago. Today she is cancer free and she tells me that what kept her going was visualization and keeping a positive attitude. Wishing you all the best and sending good thoughts for you.
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Thanks, Renita. I’ve heard more positive stories than negative ones so I take that as a good sign. This may be what I’ve needed to get me back to my meditation practice and other such things. Hey, a kick in the pants can work wonders! LOL
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My thoughts are with you, Sam, and if you’ll permit it, I’ll send healing energies your way as well. I cannot say I’ve been in your position, but imagine taking things one day at a time is the best approach. Worry only drains you of energy that is oh-so-vital and needed at this moment.
Big hugs and much love to you! ❤
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Thanks for caring, Dawna. I’ll accept all the healing energies you can send my way. I’ve let my reiki usage languish but healing energies of any kind are never wasted. And you’re right about worry; it takes energy that’s needed for better things.
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You are most welcome! ❤ Healing energies on their way. Hang in there! You are not alone. Never alone. BIG hugs to you!
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I’m almost overwhelmed at the response this news garnered. I hadn’t intended it to get this widespread but now I’m thinking that maybe it was meant to be. Thank you for your thoughtfulness and all that you do.
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Thinking of you Sam and holding you close in my heart and prayers. xox
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Thank you, Edith. This news sort of “got away” from me in ways I didn’t intend nor expect it to go and yet I’ve got such lovingkindness in return that maybe something bigger than I am was at work.
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Sam, Jeff and I are so sorry to hear the news of your breast cancer. We are sure you will fight this with every fiber of your being and come out a winner. We will keep you in our thoughts and prayers. Jeff and Sharon
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Thanks, Sharon. In spite of the shock of the news, I’m feeling pretty positive about the whole situation. I’m not sure exactly what comes next (though I can make a good guess) since I haven’t seen the surgeon yet but all in all, things don’t really seem so bad at the moment. But I’ll take it as it comes and see what happens.
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I too would like to add my support through positive thoughts and energy for you. The “flits” are interesting. I recognize that experience. Sometimes it seems like a fire drill and other times just a bit of fearful worry. Tough to know what to read from it. One day at a time is truly all one can do. (((Hugs)))
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Thank you, Penny. All good thoughts and energy are much appreciated. Yes, those “flits” can be tough to interpret. I’m trying to get better at it but feedback can be hard to come by or interpret, too, so it’s slow going for me. I suppose just keepin’ on keepin’ on is good enough, though. I hope so, anyway! LOL
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Sam, so sorry about the “news”. Something that comes to mins whoever I hear the words “breast cancer” is something I read about how this aluminum something-or-other has shown up in the cancer. It is something that is in most American deodorants, all the big name brands. The only ones that don’t have it are the “natural” deodorants that for whatever reason don’t work for many of us. I can tell you I sweat like a pig (tho I have met a pig or two, and never saw them sweat so maybe that’s a bad analogy). I haven’t switched to a non-aluminum something-or-other because of my sweat glands, but also because there has never been Cancer on either side of my family.
My mother-in-law had a stroke at 84 and when she went into the hospital rehab, they discovered she had cancer in several parts of her body. It was obvious she was getting ready to leave us so we said no to more tests and treatments. we were grateful that she never knew as it would have depressed her. Plus the treatment seems worse than the disease in many cases. She probably would have died sooner.
It IS possible that my mother had cancer (she died 16 days after we lost my mother-in-law), but my dad wasn’t asked if he wanted her to have an autopsy. I thought about suggesting it, but since all her organs had shut down, it seemed senseless to know if she had any other diseases in her body.
Not sure where I am going with this, except hopefully making a few more people aware that the researchers should really try to find out if that aluminum stuff is giving women (and men) breast cancer. I was shocked that when I read this fact, they added that researchers say there is no correlation between these two facts.
Well, Sam, whatever you decide to do, know that you are in our hearts. And we very much appreciate you sharing your struggles with us here. It helps me to be more open and kind as I walk thru this world.
Peace,
Sherrie
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Sam, so sorry about the “news”. Something that comes to mind whenever I hear the words “breast cancer” is something I read about how this aluminum something-or-other has shown up in the cancer. It is something that is in most American deodorants, all the big name brands. The only ones that don’t have it are the “natural” deodorants that for whatever reason don’t work for many of us. I can tell you I sweat like a pig (tho I have met a pig or two, and never saw them sweat so maybe that’s a bad analogy). I haven’t switched to a non-aluminum something-or-other because of my sweat glands, but also because there has never been Cancer on either side of my family.
My mother-in-law had a stroke at 84 and when she went into the hospital rehab, they discovered she had cancer in several parts of her body. It was obvious she was getting ready to leave us so we said no to more tests and treatments. we were grateful that she never knew as it would have depressed her. Plus the treatment seems worse than the disease in many cases. She probably would have died sooner.
It IS possible that my mother had cancer (she died 16 days after we lost my mother-in-law), but my dad wasn’t asked if he wanted her to have an autopsy. I thought about suggesting it, but since all her organs had shut down, it seemed senseless to know if she had any other diseases in her body.
Not sure where I am going with this, except hopefully making a few more people aware that the researchers should really try to find out if that aluminum stuff is giving women (and men) breast cancer. I was shocked that when I read this fact, they added that researchers say there is no correlation between these two facts.
Well, Sam, whatever you decide to do, know that you are in our hearts. And we very much appreciate you sharing your struggles with us here. It helps me to be more open and kind as I walk thru this world.
Peace,
Sherrie
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Thanks for reading and commenting, Sherrie. I’ve avoided aluminum in any way for several years, including anti-perspirants. I make my own deodorant which doesn’t stop me from sweating (a very easy to do here in Texas!) but it does prevent me from stinking! LOL In a way, I feel like this is a “test” and we’ll see if I ace it or just squeeze by. Like I wrote in my memoir, I “did all the right things” and still the fibromyalgia happened. I think I did, if not “all the right things” for cancer avoidance, too, I came very close to doing them. And yet, there it is. Maybe it’s time for me to re-evaluate “all the right things.” *G*
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Sam, The first post had two glaring mistakes so I reposted my comment with the corrections. This darn autocorrect is a pain in my behind!!
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Yup, autocorrect is the bane of texting, writing, etc. *G*
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Sam, I’ve been in reaction to your news since the day it was posted, and I wanted to consider carefully how I would respond, because it’s important. Your news is big. But not because it is the death sentence it used to be . . . cancer has become an experience most of us have to go through. We come out the other side, usually in excellent health and with more determination to protect our health. I congratulate you, instead, on having discovered it early enough to most likely be treatable. I wish you courage and luck and good health. Keep us posted on how the treatment is going. As for the “flits”, I think they are flashes of wisdom, but don’t necessarily predict the immediate future. Perhaps the far off future is more like it. I think about end-of-life issues a lot, because I know that my life will end. But in the meantime, I’m planning on at least 20 more years (I’m 75, and a cancer survivor). By the time I’m 95 I’m pretty sure I won’t mind bowing out. Plan on a long life. How does that saying go? “Sing as though no one can hear you, dance like no one can see you, and live as though this is the only life you’ll have.” And wear sunscreen. Blessings to you, Dear Sam.
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Samantha, thank you so much for taking the time to read, reflect, and comment. It means a lot to me. A long time ago I told a psychic who’d given me a very accurate reading that “I intend to live to 120” and she replied, “You could.” Of course, what else would she say? LOL But I think I expressed my intent at that time and intention is a very powerful thing. I come from a line of very long-lived women on my father’s side of the family – close to 100 years in several instances – and even though the women on my mom’s side of the family can’t quite match that, they’re no slouches, either. So, if nothing else, I have my genes going in my favor. And the surgeon said during my consultation with her that I seemed to be very healthy and to say that to a woman in a wheelchair, well, I’d say that bodes well. I’ve long ago quit singing and dancing due to hurtful circumstances but that may very well change in the near future, figuratively if not literally. Thanks again for all your good wishes. I very much appreciate them
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I keep forgetting you’re in a wheelchair. It doesn’t seem to impinge at all upon who you are. I’m headed for a wheelchair, and when the time comes I’ll be looking to you for support. We help each other.
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I resisted a wheelchair for a long time, feeling it would confirm that I was “disabled” and “on the back burner.” However, when I finally got it, I discovered that it actually liberated me, allowing me to go places and do things I hadn’t been able to before, like shop in the mall, etc. I still get around the house without it, though, if only because I feel walking from one end of the house to the other, though it may be a struggle, is about all the exercise I get. LOL I’m glad I got it.
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That’s good to know. I resisted the walker, too, but now I love it and keep it in the trunk of my car, so I can get out and walk if I want to. I’m considering a scooter for the next step, but for now I can walk in the house as long as I sit down frequently to let my strength rally. I invited friends for dinner this past weekend, forgetting how preparing a meal for four wipes me out. The dinner was a great success, but it took me two days of lying on the couch to recover. I told them they have the honor of being the last guests I’ll ever invite to dinner at our house. Next time we’ll meet at a restaurant! 🙂
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I’ve resisted a walker, too, (although there is one here since Tony/SO had his stroke) and I’ll probably continue to do so just because it takes two hands and that limits me to walking but not carrying things I need to carry. I could get a basket or a tray but they just aren’t satisfactory. When I use my cane, though, I use it with two hands most of the time, which still leaves me the option to use only one when I have to. I’ve also resisted getting a scooter, though I think one would be wonderful. Since we no longer use the van, setting up a hoist in the truck would negate the use of the truck bed for a lot of other things. I just have Tony/SO put the wheelchair in the back seat and use him for locomotion! LOL
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