I went for my post-op checkup yesterday and got the pathology report on the second attempt to get clear margins on the tumor.
We didn’t. The results were microscopic (thus the difficulty for the surgeon in getting every last little bit) but they were there all the same. The radiologists like clear margins before using radiation treatment. They didn’t get them.
I decided we could fiddly-fart around and nickel and dime the breast into oblivion, trying to get clear margins, but that seemed like it would be even more traumatic to the body than just taking all the potentially compromised tissue at one swell foop. *G*
I never did like the idea of radiation, almost as much as I didn’t like the idea of chemo and, while I think both these things can be life-saving, there’s a fine line that nobody can really draw, where the methods become deleterious rather than helpful. Removal of the breast negates the need for radiation.
Radiation is a blunt instrument but when your options are limited, you have to use what you can get. I’m not convinced that it heals more than it harms but I suppose that depends on a lot of case by case basis stuff. You really have to depend on your doctor for a lot and make a decision you can’t ever be sure of.
The radiation (and chemo) was a big deal for me so I’m rather glad about the way this turned out. The body is already under attack and then we want to hit it with more assailants? Seems counterproductive when you aren’t sure where the line between help and harm is drawn.
The surgeon did say they could do a reconstruction at the same time, taking fat from my belly (YAY! A free “liposuction!” LOL) but then she said it was an all-day surgery and I’m not convinced it’s good for the brain, not to mention the body, to have that much anesthesia for that long.
So we’ll see how the scarring turns out and if I want to do reconstruction in the future. From pictures I’ve seen, the scarring can range from horrific to no big deal. Since I’m fat, it could be a bit of a problem. We’ll see. This surgeon is pretty darn good.
And, of course, there’s always the option of a tattoo. I particularly like the phoenix.
I can’t remember who I was writing to, now, but I said that I’m not afraid of being dead, I’m just not too keen on the method of dying. Which I don’t expect to do from this in any case, but it gives me a reference point to hang my decisions on.
So for the next three weeks or so I finally get to relax a bit. No dark-thirty trips to a hospital 40 miles away to get something or other done, or having to stress through all the highway construction between here and there. It played havoc with my blood pressure.
Then the surgery, and I come home the next day.
There will be differences in the aftermaths of surgery, like drains and such, but I can handle handle that.
And the big benefit: I’ll be able to go to the Story Circle Network conference in April, which, when radiation therapy was looming, I might not have. I love silver linings!
“Stories From the Heart VII” Women’s Memoir Conference: April 11-13, 2014, Austin TX
Sam, I applaud your decision! I’ve always said a round belly makes a good “spare” , and I’ve seen excellent results of reconstruction. Like you, I trust surgery much more than I trust poisons. Good luck! Thanks for keeping us posted.
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Thanks, Samantha. I thought I replied to your comment before – I remember typing it – but I don’t see where it ever came through. :>( I agree that the idea of poisoning the entire body in an attempt to root out unseen and unknowable “bad cells” feels all wrong to me, even though it’s been shown to work in many cases. Or seems to work, anyway. As for that belly “spare,” if I decide on reconstruction later, it surely will come in handy! Finally, a use for it! LOL
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You are wise and your decision is well thought out. Bravo. I have my ticket to Austin in April and will look for you there.
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Thanks, Katherine. I’m looking forward to meeting/seeing so many supportive women in April. This has been an interesting journey for me and I’m hoping I might be able to get it down on paper (or in pixels!) eventually. See you in Austin!
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Wow, Sam, Congratulations on reaching this monumental decision with such grace and positive energy. it’s so important to trust your surgeon ad feel right about which direction to take and you have nailed that. I agree–avoiding chemo and radiation and their deleterious side effects sounds like a good plan. I’m on the fence about Austin but it sure would be great to meet you and see Katherine again! Enjoy.
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Thanks for stopping by and for commenting, Kathy. I hope this decision is the right one but I’m a believer in the idea that if things have been “percolating” under the surface then what might seem like a spontaneous and spur of the moment decision is actually an unrecognized thought-out one. I’m also a believer in intuition so that goes along with that. Still, given that it’s nearly three weeks until the surgery to come, I find myself having slight doubts. But I’ll go with my instinct. In the long run I feel that losing a breast is less of an assault on the body than radiation and/or chemo. Sure hope you can make it to Austin. I finally got my reservations made and am glad I have it to look forward to.
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